Baby Zoo outing cancelled !!!

Last weekend we had planned to go to the zoo. Even though baby is still young but I guess an early introduction to animals wont harm. Plus it's a family outing & I love the zoo- it's fun.

We had roped in hubby's best friend & wife plus their 2 year old kid. So I thought that'll be great. WRONG!!! That paranoid couple called up last minute to cancell ! Why?????

They had read  that at the Pittsburgh Zoo, a mother's attempt to give her 2 year old son a better view of wild Afrian dogs turned into a tradgedy, after the boy fell into the pit & was attacked & killed the a pack of dogs!The mother had placed her child on top of the railing at teh edge of the viewing deck. He lost his balance & fell into the pit & was attacked by 11 dogs.

It's horrifying but that's an accident right?   As in we learn from it, & not to put our kid near any dangerous animals right? Besides  it's like months back already!!!!Why do they  need to cancel? It's really strange. The friend claim that his wife was so traumized that she will not want their kid to have any pets in the future!!!!

Do babies suffer when mothers go back to work?

By assessing the total impact on a child of the mother going out to work, including factors outside the home, American academics claim to have produced the first full picture of the effect of maternal employment on child cognitive and social development. Their conclusion will provide comfort for thousands of women who re-enter the employment market within a year of giving birth.

The good news is that we can see no adverse effects. This research is unique because the question we have always asked in the past has been: 'If everything else remains constant, what is the effect of a mum going off to work?' But of course everything else doesn't stay constant, so it's an artificial way of looking at things.

Family relationships, family income, the mental health of the mother all change when a mother is working and so what the study did was to look at the full impact, taking all of these things into account.

In one of the most fraught areas of social policy and research, several studies over the past two decades have suggested that children do worse if their mothers go back to work in the first year of their lives.

Recent research by the Institute for Social and Economic Research at Essex University found that children of mothers who went back to work within the first three years were slower learners, and a 2008 Unicef study recommended that mothers stay at home for the first 12 months or "gamble" with their children's development. The Pew Research Centre in Washington found high levels of anxiety among women over the issue.

The new study, led by New York's Columbia University School of Social Work, The National Institute of Child Health and Human Development Study of Early Child Care followed more than 1,000 children from 10 geographic areas aged up to seven, tracking their development and family characteristics. It found that, while there are downsides to mothers taking work during their child's first year, there were also significant advantages – an increase in mothers' income and wellbeing, and a greater likelihood that children receive high-quality childcare. Taking everything into account, the researchers said, the net effect was neutral.

The effect of the parenting itself is the key factor, It is hugely important how sensitive you are to your child's needs. Even for women who have to work more than 30 hours a week, they can make things better for themselves, they just need to take a deep breath on the doorstep, dump all the office worries behind them and go in the door prepared to pay attention to all their children's cues. This is good news for all mothers.

This is especially good news for mothers, who typically go back to work after  one to 4 months because of the lack of maternity leave. Part-time work, up to 30 hours a week, provides more desirable outcomes than full-time employment.

Parents  welcomed the findings. Women should not feel guilty whatever choices they make – and that does not mean you have to make the choice to work. Often it is the more well-off women who have the choice, while many others have to work. There is a notion that mothers should spend all their time with their children but that is wrong. You need to also do things that are just for you.

 And a career can give you that.            

Difficult decision

Making the decision to stay home or work  can be a difficult process. There is no right answer.  Experts  encourages each woman to make the choice that brings her closest to fulfilling her hopes and dreams.

Some said it is damaging . Others maintain that there is really no evidence to support that statement. It’s shown that children who are in quality day care have increases in cognitive skills, intellect, social skills and social comfort. But how many of these “quality day care “ are there????

Another issue is finances. Many women work to be prepared for unforeseen circumstances like a husband's unemployment, a divorce, or illness.  This is truly important!!!!

Stay-at-home moms always  boast that they have never missed a milestone in their children's lives. But if you don't see the first step, you'll see the second and the third. Nobody wants to be working 10 hours a day and missing your family life. But if you need the money or need to save some money just in case…..

Truth is any women hope to be a parent and pursue a career and they often become depressed when they are stuck solely in a parenting capacity. If the child is mothered by a parent who is feeling frustrated and depressed and empty, that is bad right?  Besides  you can nurture your child and still work. Many full time working mums do that!

More research that suggest mothers working is ok for babies!

Mothers do not harm their young children emotionally or socially by going out to work, according to research that offers reassurance to women worried about juggling jobs and family responsibilities.

In fact, girls seem to gain from being in a household where their mother works, according to analysis of families with children born in 2000. In a project funded by the Economic and Social Research Council, a team from the department of epidemiology and public health at University College London found no evidence of detrimental effects on the young children of mothers working part-time or full-time.

The ideal scenario for children of both sexes was for both parents to live at home and for both to be working, a finding that will encourage policymakers' moves to help families stay together, if not critics of the rising numbers of working mothers.

There seemed to be many benefits from both parents working "as long as parents are supported, do not have to work long hours and are able to combine child-rearing with paid work ... In this study they  did not see any evidence for a longer-term detrimental influence on child behaviour of mothers working during the first year of life."

Thousands of parents, mainly mothers, answered questionnaires about their children in infancy and when they were three and five. They covered external behaviours such as hyperactivity, tantrums and aggression, and internal ones, including unhappiness, tearfulness and worry. There were more than 12,000 responses for each stage, and the percentage of mothers working rose from 55% in children's infancy to 60% at the age of five.

The study, which looked only at white children because of statistical difficulties in sampling other ethnic groups, is the latest contribution to the decades-long, often fraught debate about whether mothers' paid employment is good or bad for their children. Among many conflicting messages, there have been suggestions that young children looked after by people other than their parents may be more prone to bad behaviour, that there could be a link between working mothers and overweight children and that working mothers in steady relationships are the healthiest women.

The new study suggested that boys whose mother was the breadwinner had more difficulties at the age of five than those living with two working parents. Girls whose father was the breadwinner were more likely to have problems than when both parents were earning.

The idea that working mothers might act as behavioural and emotional role models for their daughters needed more investigation. Researchers were relying on the evidence of parents alone, but said the results of the next checks, made on children's behaviour at the age of seven, would include the views of teachers.

Raising Kids is really challenging in Singapore

You don't really know how hard it is , until you have it yourself. And sorry, owning a pet doesn't come close. The truth is that parenthood is both quite rewarding  and terrible at the same time. What makes rewarding is looking at the child & knowing that she’s yours & all the things people tell you. What makes it terrible , however, isn't quite  clear.  There’s the tantrums, crying, and lifestyle changes & a hundred  other things :

1. They have a whole different set of  schedule. They find dirt fun and want to play with it while you're trying to get them to eat!!  They don't want to sleep or eat (you'd think evolution would have thought to program that differently).  The older ones  want  you to tell the same stories , listen to the same song, and watch the same cartoons  over and over and over again.

Having a child is like having one of your  hands  suddenly develop a mind of its own with desires and interests that are different from yours. You're quite attached to it, obviously cant get rid of it. Life becomes a  challenge everyday,  & becomes a constant reminder that any control we think we have in life is an illusion.

2. We want to do everything for them. This is sometimes because of #1 above: children often move so slowly that impatience gets the best of us and we start putting on their shirts, their pants, and their shoes when they're perfectly capable of doing it themselves.

3.We don’t ever want them to get hurt either physically or emotionally. When my baby  was born, I  loved her immediately, but I was  surprise by the strength of the urge I felt to protect her.  However we all know ,lessons had to be learnt one way or other & sometimes pain is necessary.

You have to protect them from genuine threats but also allow them to experience what pain you think they can handle so that when you're no longer around to make it better, they can make it better themselves. But it is painful & exhausting to see them hurt.

Point is  nothing in life is only wonderful (or terrible ), even having children. Some may insist that it is the most wonderful experience. But our experiences never occur in the abstract and thinking of them as if they do, expecting them to be entirely black or entirely white, will only yield unrealistic expectations and thus predispose us to suffer through something that, in the end, really is quite wonderful.

 

The wonderful Gifts my Baby already recieved!!!!

People, friends & family have already started sending....

From my bestie a Personalized Baby Portrait - Classic Warhol Pop... I really thought this is one of the best gift!!!! She ordered it online. My hubby loves it so much! real classy like my bestie!!!!

From my S-I-L , Personalized Baby Long Johns a set of 3, really so cute with baby's name on it!!!! Sweet!!!!

From my colleague, Personalized Kids Christmas Ornaments for the christmas tree!!!! She hand made it, painted it with baby's name!!!! I'm so touched!!!!

From another best buddy of mine: Personalized Baby Girl Santa Suit- I tell you, it's so cute! My hubby already took like thousands of pictures of her in it even before the actual day! So lovely!!!!

Thank You everyone!!!!

Baby's Christmas Gift

Since my last report, Baby has been smiling ..... My whole family is beyond happiness & everything seems to fall in place!

My husband is thinking of bringing me to Japan to celebrate....lol...... sweet hor?

My friend ask me what am I getting Baby for Christmas.

Must I?

 It's becoming like a big thing now. What are we getting her this Christmas, her first Christmas!!!! I was like she's only a few months old , she wouldnt appreciate any gifts right? What would she know? And they all go like .....woh....

So Am I a bad mother? I just dont get it. Why all the fuss. ???